Musings of a Moonstruck Witch

Along with 'coven seeking', I've been doing a lot of personal work.  I call it 'altar work' because it generally takes place at my altar, which is in my bedroom, facing the North wall.  I've been very much enjoying these breaks from mundania to indulge my spiritual senses.

I celebrated New Moon with a Blue Star coven (the one I referred to last entry).  Prior to that, I got to hang out with Judy Harrow for an evening, and ask her all the questions I could think of asking a Craft elder.  She was wonderful, and I came away feeling good about all I'd learned on my own.  The circle for New Moon (which took place on Friday) was awfully good.  I think its safe to say I've entered training.  I have my first assignment and everything.

Strange to be starting over like this considering I've been working the Craft since my late teens, but I'm willing to take it in stride.  I'm positive I'll learn something, even during this very basic training time. 

Got a bunch of laundry done yesterday; cleaned the main floor, too.  Then I put on a pork loin for dinner with baby carrots and new potatoes.  Dark and I sat down and played various online massively multiplayer games (He played the LOTR game, I played WOW).  The kids moved from thing to thing.

Dinner went fairly smoothly, all things considered, and then there was more gaming.

I know it sounds like all I do is game, but this was first weekend in a long time that I'd indulged in gaming.  Knitting has been my number one activity, what with my having recently mastered socks.  I just wasn't in a knitting mood this weekend.  I started a new character, and played it to level 13.

(Blah blah /geek speak now)

I'm at work.  Chances are good I'll be sent home by nine.  Sundays are generally really dead, and I have an ongoing deal with the Sunday supervisor that if its really slow, I go home.  I'm only here 'till noon anyway.  If I get to go home, I will be having a soak in the tub with a coffee and a novel (Kushiel's Chosen).  Later this afternoon, Dark and I are going to hang out with Salima (a co-worker who wants to learn how to knit).  She's going to teach me how to sew, so I foresee regular meetings in our future.

I've been Coven seeking.  I'm in touch with one in Toronto, and I'm planning on meeting with them a few times before I decide if I want to enter 'training' with them.  There are no intiates in the coven at the moment.  There was a hiving off, which left the HP with students only.  The students are absolute beginners, so I'd be starting from the absolute basics. I'm not sure if that will frustrate me or not, and I won't know until I enter into it.  Thankfully, there is a long period before Dedicant, so I'll have time to decide.

I'm attending my first group therapy session for sexual abuse survivors tomorrow evening.  Its focus is self-esteem and boundaries. It'll be a nice refresher.  Next Saturday, there's a women's circle in Kitchener, AND a possible Full Moon circle in Toronto, so I'm not sure which I'll be attending.  March 6th, I might be meeting with the coven in TO and author, Judy Harrow.  Kind of excited about that...

I like being busy.  I like having things to plan for and look forward to. 

And life goes on. :)

It's been a long time since I posted here.  Oh, I've been blogging...just really personal stuff at my personal place.  This place feels more like its for lighter posting, and I haven't had much 'lightness' to post about.

I've been taking my own inventory, working out some bugs in the software that is my conditioning, and seeing a counselor.  I've also been getting out more, venturing into the world and attempting to connect with other pagans in person.  This is all bearing fruit so far.

What I'm not doing is writing, and I hate to focus on that as a failure, but ever since I got settled in to a good, drama free relationship (early 2004), I've been having difficulty with the whole 'transforming pathos into poems' thing I used to do.  There's no real pathos.  And hence, there's no poetry either.

Or short fiction, or erotic fiction, or much of anything at all.

I get a little tired of hearing myself whine about it, though.  Whining instead of writing.  Worrying instead of writing.  I'm not patient with myself or gentle with myself on this score. 

I watched The Secret recently, and while I feel about it kind of like I felt about "What the Bleep Do We Know" (too easy, too geared toward the acquisition of money, too full of pseudo-science), I have been applying some of the principle ideas.  And they're working.  I'm definitely happier, now that I'm focusing more on what's right over what's wrong.  I'm going to apply it to the writing, too, and see what happens.  Maybe go through my archives and polish some things for submission.  We'll see...

Meanwhile, it's Saturday and I have no plans except to get some laundry done, clean the house a bit, knit and relax.  Tomorrow, I work, so I'd best enjoy not having to work while I can. :)

When do you start your holiday shopping?
Submitted by Murphy.

I have managed to avoid holiday shopping for the most part for the last three years.  We're just not that big on the whole shopping thing.  This year, I've managed to avoid it altogether.  "How would you guys like a hundred bucks each?" 

The answer was 'YES!' and that's that.  I might put up a tree.  I might not.  We're pagan, and celebrate Yule, so a tree isn't inappropriate.  It's just not necessary, and I like to keep things simple.

While everyone else around me is going apeshit over whether or not the shopping is done, I check out of the madness, plan a huge feast of turkey and all the fixings, which my family and I will eat in a house mostly unsullied by tinsel and twinkle.  Okay, so I'm a scrooge. ;)

The sun is rising over the trees in the back yard and shining in through the back door.  I have a japanese bowl filled with very strong coffee and heavy cream.  Lots of sugar.  The light around me is amber.  The house is warm.  I could still be in bed, but then I'd have missed watching the sun make it's way over the trees, and I would not have realized just how dirty the windows on the back door are.  Time for Windex.  I'll get to that later.

I have bed head, and no plans to change that any time soon.  I have no reason to leave the house, and I'm grateful for that.  The house is quiet.  Everyone has left to go off and do whatever it is they have to do today. School, work.  I'm alone save for the fur babies who are having breakfast. 

I didn't get much reading done yesterday.   Instead, I doodled - created the title page for my new grimoire.  My old one is still useful and filled with things I learned in the 1990's, but it's time for a new one.  Since I put the finishing touches on the old one (1999) I haven't kept a formal book of shadows or magical journal.  I've scribbled notes here and there instead.  I'm ready to have one big book into which all my scribblings may go.

The moon is new born -- three days old.  Waxing to fullness on December 4th.  I am planning something special for the Cold Moon.  Coming back to life spiritually prompts me to rededicate myself, reintroduce myself to the elemental powers, to the spirit of this house, this land it sits on.  I have a new name, too.  One that fits me like no other I've ever had.  I like the practice of changing your name to reflect where you are in your journey.  I guess I've never been really comfortable with where I am, since I've switched out my name from Willow to Lupamaer to Saffron and now to Ivy.  Ivy after the ivy growing on the brick out back.  Ivy after the Celtic tree moon of my birth.  Ivy after it's ability to hold fast the way I have held fast in high winds and storms.

Last night, I created an incense blend that pleased me - frankincense, cedarwood, hibiscus, and cedarwood essential oil.  A pinch of dragon's blood resin to give it a bit of punch.  The 'flavour' is woody, heady, and exotic.  Not too sweet.  Next time I think I'll do some of the grinding in my herb grinder, because an hour is too much time to spend with a tiny mortar and pestle.  My arms ache.

I wasn't thinking too much about what herb corresponded to what intention.  I just played with the scent until I got what felt right.  Cedar is for purification and healing.  Dragon's Blood is for power.  Frankincese is for spirituality and protection.  Hibiscus is for love.  A good, all around general incense.  Healing, Power, Spirituality and Love.  What a lovely thing to fill the house with.

Hibiscus is also for lust, as was proven by the mad dash upstairs after the smoke cleared and it was time for bed. ;)

***

Today I will finish up the last two loads of laundry that need to be done, paint another wall (red earth....beautiful colour) and plan what to make for dinner. It'll just be the boys and I since Dark is moonlighting tonight.  I have at least a glass of wine left over from last night's bottle that we split between us, so I'll be enjoying that after dinner.  Oh...and I'll be cleaing the windows in the back door.  I want the sun to stream in unhindered.  All those finger prints and dog nose prints and cat paw prints have got to go.

As Always,

Ivy

First post here at Vox, and I'm happy to be here.  It's Thursday afternoon and I just finished putting the first coat of Red Earth on the first of four walls that will need to be painted.  The trim around the front window is a lovely satin black, which contrasts beautifully with the rich, deep red, and though it looked a helluva lot like a fuschia pink in the can, this colour is mellowing out nicely as it dries.  I can't wait to be all done, though I am happy to take it one wall at a time.  This is the room we all live in, play in, hang out in, so it's important that it be useable even while I'm redecorating.

I'm glad I'm not a scaredy-cat when it comes to colour.  The results can be so beautiful, uplifting, and dramatic.  This house gets to me sometimes, what with it being so old and run down, but a splash of colour is really making a huge difference to how I feel about it.  Now if only I could master landscaping, wiring, roofing, tearing down walls and putting up new ones...

Paint is good enough for now, though.  I'm happy to settle for these small changes while I'm waiting for the money for the big ones to materialize.

***

It's been a very relaxing day.  I spent some time chatting with Gryph from WG (a witch's mailing list I recently joined).  We talked about my encounter with a Mountain Lion in a journey last year, and how confusing I found it due to my usual affinity for wolves.  Witchy talk.  It was really fun to talk with someone that speaks my language.  Now that I've decided to come back out from my year of isolation from other pagans, I'm feeling inspired, and surprisingly safe.  I'm being led in all the right directions, making all the right kinds of connections - the kind that feel good and right and powerful. 

All this reconnecting has made me restless.  I want to be forever doing things - writing, drawing, casting circles and chanting.  I settle for painting the living room and blogging because I have to be careful not to burn myself out. My energy level hasn't been very good lately.  Fatigue. Shortness of breath.  I keep quitting smoking and starting again which is very bad for my self-esteem (the starting again part, that is) but I'm so lovingly supported by my sweetie that I'm overcoming all the negative self-talk this frustrating addiction is setting off in me.  I'll quit.  I will.  It's taking longer than I want it too, and it's a lot harder than I expected, but I will quit, and at the very least, with all this quitting and starting, I'm smoking far less.  So much less that I can go days without using my Ventolin.  Today I've had three cigarettes.  Usually, I'd have had at least a dozen by now.  Small steps.  I'll get there.

Ah...the middlin' kidlet just brought up a bunch of laundry, so I guess I'd better go fold it.  I have no plans for the evening other than to get as much laundry done as possible, make the bedroom livable again (there's clean laundry everywhere) and read The Mabinogoin Tetrology.

Mabinogion Tetralogy

Evangeline Walton

***

I know it seems like I just sort of jumped in here and started blabbing with no introduction. I like to start where I am, and this is where I am.

Ivy